Laughing at Life's Lunacies

Competent Computer Help: Technical Support: "And what is your problem?" Me: "My computer will not boot up when I turn it on." Technical Support: "So? Don't turn it on."

Witty Husbands: We passed a billboard that advertised a package of Winston cigarettes with the slogan: "Finally, A Butt You Can Kiss." Doug said thoughtfully, "If I were the Cancer Society, I would rent the other side of that billboard and put up a sign that said, "Smoke These, And You Can Kiss Your Butt Goodbye."

Roommates Who Won't Take Along Provisions: My roommate refused to take along a box meal because a box meal wasn't "cool." Now . . . we were headed into the Rockies, which are reasonably well known as a vast wilderness where people have perished for lack of food or stayed alive only by eating each other.

Motels: We cruised slowly past the other two-the shabby, single-story, strip kind where you park your car directly in front of your room's door, either to keep a suspicious eye on it or for a quick getaway when the cops show up. The first motel was an ancient, grungy building, particularly uninviting, and the second, even grubbier, had assembled four rough-hewn guys in the parking lot with the promising look of those who would wake us up at two a.m. to the sounds of them breaking beer bottles over each other's heads.

Also: Deranged neighbors, sadistic physical education teachers, oblivious military officers, children who have seen way too much, bad dates, friendly bikers, backwoods roadside assistance, camping, sailors and seasickness, and dogs with overflowing bladders.