Blue Bear White Bear

In 2021 my wife and I went through a roller coaster of a year. The biggest up and down of which, was us finding out that quickly after beginning to try for children we were pregnant with twins... and then just as quickly finding out that we no longer were. This news hit us very hard, but through it all and with the support of each other, our family and our friends we were able to make it through.

One thing that helped us through this process of grieving was that during this time we were given two very small teddy bears - 1 blue and 1 white - to represent our babies. We would spend time every night together with the bears praying; praying for them, for healing and for everything to feel ok again... and though it wasn't quick it helped us to truly heal.

During this time we found out that we were very fortunate to be pregnant again. I couldn't have been happier to have received this news, but in my heart, I still felt the overwhelming sense that I needed to do a couple of things.

First of all, I wanted to find a way to work through our loss and create a tangible way to share the profound impact our bears had on our lives. Though they were only with us for a short period they continue to live in our hearts every day and I wanted to be able to find a tangible way to share that.

Second, I wanted to destigmatize the conversation surrounding pregnancy loss. Though we live in an ever-accepting world, we found this period of loss very lonely. The immense feelings of sadness and failure were overwhelming and it wasn't until we began to share our story with those around us, that we began to hear of all the people this has happened to. I am hoping that through this book I will be able to do my part in removing the secretiveness around this conversation - and though it will not take away the pain - hopefully it can become a catalyst for someone's healing.

Third, I wanted a medium to be able to share our journey with our little one. The impact that our bears have had on us has and will greatly affect how we parent our relationship with our baby boy. I want to early on create an open, truthful relationship with him while also communicating with him about the importance of difficult moments and how they don't have to just be difficult but instead used as an opportunity for positive change. I want this book to serve as a way that I can share with my boy something that has been so deep and impactful on my life, while also being a reminder for me as a parent that when it's tough - when there are more cries than smiles - more tears than sleep - more screams than laughter, that this is what I wanted, this is what I prayed for and that my bears are watching on the other end of the rainbow - making sure it'll all be ok.

With all this in mind Blue Bear White Bear was written.

This has been written with a lot love. I hope you enjoy.