Getting Gold

Fate hates me.

How else would you explain getting fired, kidnapped, and nearly killed by elves - which shouldn't even exist - in less than twelve hours?

And the apology this magical force gives me for constantly ruining my life?

Mating me to an ancient dragon.

An ancient dragon whose suave ways have me constantly torn between wanting to kiss him and kick him right where the scales don't shine.

And to top it all off - because clearly that wasn't enough - we have to rescue some poor kidnapped flamingo like we're reenacting a James Bond movie.

FFS.

Any chance this is all some low-budget horror movie I don't remember being cast for?

No?

Well, all things considered, it'd be dumb not to at least ask.