A Perfectly Imperfect Life

Recounting 84 years of life, surprised me as I perceived details with an altered consciousness and memories with new perspectives. My story begins during adolescence and continues through a failed 20 year marriage. I was seventeen when I married someone five years older; we were separated by more than years, we were separated by social cognition. After twenty years and three children, infidelity prompted a divorce and I began questioning everything about marriage, "how is it we naively trust ourselves to remain faithful to one person forever?" "It seems absurd!" When my growing children were reaching an age to leave home, I struggled with feelings of abandonment and insecurity. Foolishly, I searched for a replacement husband until that failed, after which I turned to education in search of a degree. While attending University, I enrolled in a recreational Tai Chi class and engaged in a relationship with the instructor. After four years, he abandoned me for a younger woman and the heartbreak forced me to confront a second failed relationship while discovering the inner strength to enjoy life as a single woman. At 59, I was faced with a life threatening illness, adopting a healthier philosophy and attitude toward life. After surviving cancer, at 62, I risked it it all and moved to far western China, to teach English as a second language. The financial crisis in 2008 devastated my retirement fund and by 2011, I was living in Manhattan to be closer to my children who all live on the eastern seaboard. The move to Manhattan created serious life adjustments for me at a time when I was experiencing physical and cognitive changes due to my advancing years. Surviving in the city was exhausting and I returned to my roots in California. My life continues to evolve and I'm at peace, expecting less while taking great pleasure in the simplest happenstance ( a phone call, lunch with a friend, a trip to to The Music Circus or an unexpected visitor) and I live life wondering what's next.