Rumours of Our Being

JAY, 23, DESPERATELY WANTS TO TALK TO SOMEONE BECAUSE HE IS ABOUT TO COMMIT SUICIDE, BUT ALL HE CAN GET ON THE PHONE IS A CALL GIRL.

"When I imagined the crowd, I wondered how insignificant I was. Not just among all those people in the metro but in the entire city, and then on this entire earth. And then I imagined myself in the entire universe. I realised I was just a grain of sand on earth. Or even that is an overstatement. That was depressing. Really depressing. Then I thought about me-not me in the world, but just me. I tried to feel and realise every part of my body. I'd move a finger or a toe and then stop it. I would stop breathing and then resume. I touched my nose and felt its shape. I opened my eyes and immediately closed them. I tried to feel my heartbeat. I was trying to feel how much control I had over my body. From there, I started thinking about me-the one who was ordering the fingers, toes, hands, or feet to move or stop. The one trying to feel the heartbeat. Whatever you call that, a soul or consciousness, or whatever the hell, that was me. That and only that was me."